i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
