Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
