I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He passed out mid-signature
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize