opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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