please come you make the beer taste better
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
