oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
