Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
