Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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