so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
