I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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