The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
