you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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