New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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