When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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