I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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