I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
