New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
