Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
