i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize