I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
