she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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