I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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