Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
