Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
