mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
you will always have a special place in my vag
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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