so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
