ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
