We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
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