My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
