man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
