i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i believe in u and ur pee
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