Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
