she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
