you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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