I got chris browned last night
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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