He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
