now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
