do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
