this beer tastes like vomit already
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
