Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
