Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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