We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
