i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
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