It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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