i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
