so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
there was a trapeze. enough said
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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