separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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