I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
ttyl tear gas
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
