he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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