OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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