just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
