was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
