I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
