wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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