Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
