No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
