Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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