my phone needs a breathalizer
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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