Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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