what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
