I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
PS: I just woke up from my shower
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
