it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
