I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You pole danced in your parka.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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