she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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