Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize