Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
