I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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