the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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