remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
