Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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