I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
