i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize