Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
