apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just had sex bonerless
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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