Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
