Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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