he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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