I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
